by Kimberly Israel
I created this ritual to deal with integrating the experience of my own trauma as the experience itself was coming to a close. It gave me a way to handle all the intense feelings: It’s an inescapable fact that this happened to me; I did not in any way consent to this happening to me; the experience changed me and the person I am now depends on that experience having happened; I want to be who I am, but I’m also feeling the sheer pain of the trauma. The purpose of the ritual is to acknowledge the pain, accept that it happened, and move towards letting it go while still embracing the person one has become through the experience. This was a major ritual for me, so there are a lot of sensory pieces; feel free to simplify (or complexify) it to suit your needs.
Materials
I have my own set of correspondences for colors, scents, herbs, etc. with concepts, so I used those for this ritual. Throughout the notes, I’ll be referring to the materials I used, but feel free to use more traditional symbolism or whatever is meaningful to you.
The concepts the ritual works with (and the corresponding materials I used) are:
-Change/death (bronze/copper candle, mint leaves, mint oil, small dish of soil)
-Struggle/banishment (black candle, cloves, vinegar, small tea light candle) [The black, cloves, and vinegar I looked up for traditional symbolism since the concept isn’t in my personal symbol set]
– Wisdom (gold candle, sage, cedarwood oil, small bowl of water)
– Hope (gray candle, thyme, bergamot oil, empty bottle to blow across or some sort of pipes or whistle)
– Trust/renewal (rainbow 7-day candle, soap bubbles – there are recipes online to make your own if you choose)
Preparation
Set up the materials in your ritual space on either one large table/stand or five small ones with change/death to the north, struggle/banishment to the west, wisdom to the south, hope to the east, and trust/renewal in the center. The ritual will start in the north and move counterclockwise and then into the center. (I realize this is nontraditional, but it’s what worked for me). If you’re using one large table, make sure you can easily reach the center when the time comes. I did the ritual barefoot out on my patio using a couple tables, some stacked stone blocks, and a garden toolbox, but it’ll work just as well wearing shoes and moving around your kitchen table.
Ritual
I didn’t do any formal opening or closing, but if you want to do so, there’s no reason not to. After any opening you do, approach the northern space. Sprinkle mint leaves in a circle around the candle, and eat one if you wish. Anoint the candle with the mint oil. Mix a little bit of oil with a little bit of soil and smear it on your forehead and inner wrists. Say the following or something similar in your own words: “My world fell apart and I felt as if I had died.” Light the candle and spend as long as you wish meditating on that part of your experience.
When you are ready, move to the western space, carrying the candle you lit in the northern space. Sprinkle cloves in a circle around the candle, and eat a pinch if you wish (I used ground cloves; eating a whole clove might be unpleasant, though my minute of research suggests that it’s not dangerous – please check for yourself before ingesting anything you’re unsure of). Anoint the candle with the vinegar. Light the tea light. Say the following or something similar in your own words: “I tried everything to banish the suffering; my life felt like an unending struggle.” Light the candle (not the tea light you just lit) from the candle you lit in the previous part of the ritual. If you feel comfortable doing so, you may choose to wet your fingers with vinegar and use your damp fingers to snuff out the tea light. Otherwise, you can blow out the tea light or leave it burning as you choose. (Please do not wet your fingers and then touch the wick of the tea light if you’ve substituted something flammable for the vinegar). Spend as long as you wish meditating on that part of your experience.
When you are ready, move to the southern space, carrying the candle you lit in the western space. Sprinkle sage in a circle around the candle, and eat a bit if you wish. Anoint the candle with the cedarwood oil. Mix a few drops of oil in the water and use the scented water to wash off the soil from your forehead and wrists. Say the following or something similar in your own words: “Although I didn’t choose my pain, in time I learned wisdom through it.” Light the candle from the one you lit in the part of the ritual just previous. Spend as long as you wish meditating on that part of your experience.
When you are ready, move to the eastern space, carrying the candle you lit in the western space. Sprinkle thyme in a circle around the candle, and eat a bit if you wish. Anoint the candle with the bergamot oil. Rub a bit of oil on the mouth of the bottle or, if you are using an instrument, rub the oil somewhere where it will not cause damage. Blow a few notes across the bottle or on the instrument or whistle (they don’t have to be different notes; repeating the same sound a few times is fine). Say the following or something similar in your own words: “With wisdom came hope and the ability to see my life as more than pain.” Light the candle from the one you lit in the part of the ritual just previous. Spend as long as you wish meditating on that part of your experience.
When you are ready, move to the center space, carrying the candle you lit in the eastern space. Say the following or something similar in your own words: “Changes beyond my control brought suffering that I couldn’t avoid. In order to survive, I had to grow in wisdom and become a person who could endure. That endurance brought hope and the ability to trust [God/Goddess/Spirits/Life/Divinity]. Now that the mists of pain are parting, I embrace the trust that brought me through and turn my heart to renewal.” Light the 7-day candle from the candle you lit in the part of the ritual just previous. Blow some bubbles in all directions and watch the colors dance. Spend as long as you wish meditating on your path forward. You may use a closing now if you wish, or just blow out the smaller candles and clean up. If you can do so safely, let the large candle burn down on its own. Otherwise, light it whenever you can until it’s burned down. In either case, look at the candle often to remind yourself that you’ve survived, grown, and deepened your trust in the divine as you understand it.
